i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
