she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
