i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
