i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
