my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
