just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
