the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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