Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
