I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
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we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
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I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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