K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
