Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
why do cheetos always look like penises
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
