dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Quick, to the slutcave!
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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