She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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