let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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