If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
