Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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