i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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