I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
