Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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