if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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