oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
