Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
