Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
