I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Randomize
