He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
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