you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
