I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
