You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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