I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
