As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
