so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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