How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
