when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
