DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
