I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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