So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
