I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Are my feet made of real feet?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
The struggles of a small town man whore
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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