I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I know her cup size but not her name....
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
