If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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