He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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