After last night, I could never be a politician.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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