he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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