Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Is Oprah even human
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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