we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Are we still banned from the library?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
