Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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