My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
