dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Randomize
