Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
