Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
