Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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