can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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