she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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