Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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