well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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