yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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