i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
