I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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