I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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