The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Randomize
