one word: firstdatebathroomanal
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize