we have officially lost it.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
