How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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