when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
