16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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