i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
