Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize
