these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
someone owes me an orgasm
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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