I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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