I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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