I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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