Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
My breasts were aching with rage.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
