dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
