it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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