I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
